Paddy's Drunk

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To get so wasted at Paddy's that you forget your own name and blame the bar for your problems.

I tried to order a beer and said my name was 'the guy who spilled the whole shot.'

My friend threw a chair at the bartender and said 'you owe me $20 and my dignity.'

I walked out of Paddy's and told my dog I was going to be a rock star.

When you drink so much at Paddy's that you think the lights are dancing and the bar is trying to talk to you.

I told the jukebox it was my ex and I broke up with it.

I tried to sing 'Bohemian Rhapsody' and ended up crying.

I asked the bartender if he was a magician because he pulled a shot out of my sleeve.

To be so trashed at Paddy's that you can't tell the difference between the bar and your own brain.

I tried to flirt with the waitress and she said I looked like a confused potato.

I told my friend I was going to be a pirate and then passed out on a stool.

I tried to fight a neon sign and lost because it had a dimmer switch.

When you're so wasted at Paddy's that you think the bar is a spaceship and you're the captain.

I told the bartender he was the alien and I was the hero.

I tried to command the jukebox to 'blaster mode' and it played 'Yakety Yak.'

I asked my friend if he was my crew and he said 'no, you’re the one who spilled the beer.'

To be so drunk at Paddy's that you think your friend is a ghost and your shot glass is a portal to another dimension.

I tried to summon my friend’s soul with a shot glass and it just got louder.

I told the bartender the bar was haunted and he said 'you're the ghost.'

I tried to talk to my friend’s shadow and it said 'you’re the one who spilled the beer.'

To be so wasted at Paddy's that you think the bar is your ex and you're trying to win it back.

I told the bartender he was my ex and I broke up with him.

I tried to propose to the jukebox and it said 'no, I already have a boyfriend.'

I asked my friend if he was my ex and he said 'no, but I’m thinking about it.'