Obamysticism

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1
Believing Obama can fix everything just because he sounds cool and smooth, even when he’s clearly full of hot air and lies
'I swear he’s gonna make us all rich!', said by a guy who still uses a flip phone
My cousin cried when Obama said 'yes we can', he didn’t even know what 'can' meant
My mom thinks Obama is a wizard who can make rent disappear every month
2
When you think Obama is some kind of magical leader who can make the world perfect, even though he’s just a guy who can’t even remember his own schedule
'He’s like a superhero with a speech impediment', said by a kid who thinks Obama is still president
My brother got a tattoo of Obama’s face, and now he’s stuck with it
My grandma thinks Obama can bring back the dinosaurs, and she’s not wrong
3
When you take Obama’s fancy words and turn them into a religion, even though he probably just wants a free sandwich
'He’s the messiah of change, and he promised free pizza!', said by a kid who’s never had a pizza
My uncle started a church called 'The Church of Obama', and it’s just a group that meets at McDonald’s
My cousin thinks Obama can make her pass her math test, and she’s still failing
4
Thinking Obama can do anything because he talks good, even when he’s clearly lying through his teeth and wearing a hat that says 'I’m still cool'
'He can make the moon shine brighter!', said by my brother who still thinks Obama is the president
My neighbor thinks Obama can make her dog speak fluent Spanish, and it’s just barking at the mailman
My cousin built a shrine to Obama, and it’s just a cardboard cutout in her closet
5
When you believe Obama is some kind of god who can fix everything, even though he can’t even fix his own speeches
'He’s like a god who can make the economy better, and he promised free ice cream!', said by a kid who still thinks Obama is the president
My dad thinks Obama can make the clouds go away, and he’s still waiting for rain
My mom thinks Obama can bring back the dinosaurs, and she’s not wrong
6
Putting Obama on a pedestal because he sounds smart, even when he’s just making it up and pretending he knows what he’s talking about
'He’s like a genius who can fix everything, and he said he’d bring back the dinosaurs!', said by my brother who still thinks Obama is the president
My cousin thinks Obama can make her pass her math test, and she still got a D
My grandma started a cult called 'The Church of Obama', and it’s just a group that meets at McDonald’s
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