Lahey Scale

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How smashed you are from 1 to 10. Named after Jim Lahey, who once tried to walk a duck on a leash and failed.

I'm at a 9. I just peed on the neighbor's lawn and called him a f***ing waffle.

At a 7. I can still talk, but I’m talking to my cat and calling it the president.

I'm at a 2. I can walk, but I walked into a wall and didn’t care.

How wasted you are on a scale from 1 to 10. Jim Lahey once drank a whole bottle of wine and tried to fight a cow.

I'm at an 8. I can't remember my own name, but I remember that my ex is a f***ing disaster.

I'm at a 5. I can still laugh, but I laughed at a pizza and it got offended.

At a 3. I can walk, but I walked into a tree and called it a friend.

How f***ed up you are from 1 to 10. Jim Lahey once tried to drink a whole lake and got arrested.

I'm at a 10. I can't walk, I can't talk, and I just tried to eat a sock.

At a 6. I can still talk, but I’m talking to my dog and calling it a philosopher.

I'm at a 4. I can walk, but I walked into a trash can and didn’t care.

How smashed you are from 1 to 10. Jim Lahey once fell off a ladder and tried to fight a goat.

I'm at a 9. I just peed on the couch and called it a throne.

At a 7. I can still laugh, but I laughed at a donut and it cried.

I'm at a 3. I can walk, but I walked into a mirror and called it a rival.

How wasted you are from 1 to 10. Jim Lahey once tried to eat a whole pizza and got kicked out of a restaurant.

I'm at a 10. I can't walk, I can't talk, and I just tried to eat a shoe.

At a 6. I can still laugh, but I laughed at a bagel and it got jealous.

I'm at a 4. I can walk, but I walked into a door and called it a friend.

How f***ed up you are from 1 to 10. Jim Lahey once tried to drink a whole bottle of bleach and got hospitalized.

I'm at a 9. I just peed on the floor and called it a victory.

At a 7. I can still talk, but I’m talking to my cat and calling it a king.

I'm at a 3. I can walk, but I walked into a wall and called it a rival.