Lahey Scale
How f***ed up you are from 1 to 10. Jim Lahey once tried to drink a whole bottle of bleach and got hospitalized.
I'm at a 9. I just peed on the floor and called it a victory.
At a 7. I can still talk, but I’m talking to my cat and calling it a king.
I'm at a 3. I can walk, but I walked into a wall and called it a rival.