Ladder of Noobism

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The noob chain of command is when a newb tries to boss you around like they’re the boss of the whole game.

Newb: 'You gotta let me go first!' Me: 'Why?' Newb: 'Because I said so!'

Newb: 'You’re not good enough to beat me!' Me: 'I’m gonna make you cry.'

Newb: 'I’m gonna beat you!' Me: 'You’re gonna be the one who gets beat.'

The noob chain of command is when a newb thinks they’re the king of the hill just because they joined yesterday.

Newb: 'I’m the king of this game!' Me: 'You’re the king of the trash can.'

Newb: 'I don’t know how to play but I’m still winning!' Me: 'You’re winning by accident.'

Newb: 'I’m gonna rule this game!' Me: 'You’re gonna get ruled by me.'

The noob chain of command is when a newb acts like they’ve been playing for years, even though they just opened the game.

Newb: 'I’ve been playing for years!' Me: 'You’ve been playing for five minutes.'

Newb: 'I know all the moves!' Me: 'You know one move and it’s wrong.'

Newb: 'I’m the best player here!' Me: 'You’re the worst player here.'

The noob chain of command is when a newb thinks they’re in charge, even though they don’t know what they’re doing.

Newb: 'You have to do what I say!' Me: 'I’m gonna do what I want.'

Newb: 'You’re not the boss of me!' Me: 'I’m the boss of you.'

Newb: 'I’m the leader!' Me: 'You’re the follower.'

The noob chain of command is when a newb thinks they can order you around, even though they’re the one who’s clueless.

Newb: 'You have to listen to me!' Me: 'I’m gonna laugh at you.'

Newb: 'You’re not the boss of me!' Me: 'I’m the boss of you.'

Newb: 'I’m gonna beat you!' Me: 'I’m gonna beat you so hard you’ll be in the hospital.'

The noob chain of command is when a newb tries to take control, even though they’re the one who’s lost.

Newb: 'I’m the boss of this game!' Me: 'You’re the boss of the trash can.'

Newb: 'You’re not the best player here!' Me: 'You’re the worst player here.'

Newb: 'I’m gonna win!' Me: 'You’re gonna lose.'