Paid By the Pound
You take a crap on the job. Then you figure out how much you earned during the time you pooped. Divide that by the weight of your dump. That’s how much you get paid to be a pooping machine.
I pooped during work. My pay got divided by my dump. I’m a shitting legend.
Took a crap while working. Got paid by the weight of my poop. I’m a legend.
Pooped at work. Got paid by the pound. My boss is a poop genius.