pageant dad
a dad who thinks he's a professional makeup artist because he does things like pinch your cheeks to 'give you some rouge' and buys you clothes that look like they were bought from a garage sale at 3 a. m. he also thinks he's the best interviewer ever even though he once asked a kid 'what's your favorite color of toilet paper'
i bought her a dress that looks like it was worn by a ghost
i made her say 'i like pink toilet paper' during the interview
i pinch her cheeks so hard it looks like she got into a fight with a bag of chips