My dad was making breakfast, driving my brother to school, and telling me I was the worst kid in the world all at the same time. I asked him how he did it. He said, 'I’m not human. I’m a goddamn octopus.'

My mom was cleaning the kitchen, helping my sister with her math, and texting my uncle all at once. I asked her how she did it. She said, 'I’ve got eight arms and a brain that never sleeps.'

I was trying to watch my favorite show while my mom was yelling at my brother and telling me to do my homework. She said, 'You’re lucky I don’t have eight mouths. I’d be yelling at you from all eight.'