octopus parent

I had a math test and a soccer game at the same time. My mom was there for both and still yelled at me for my bad grade.

My dad was cooking breakfast, helping my brother with homework, and texting my aunt all at once. I asked him how he did it. He said, 'I'm a goddamn octopus.'

My mom came into my room while I was on the phone, told me to get dressed, and said, 'If you don’t, I’ll scream so loud your friends will hear it in the next state.'

My mom was cleaning my room, yelling at my brother, and texting my dad all at the same time. I asked her how she did it. She said, 'I’m not human. I’m a parent.'

I was trying to finish my homework while my dad was talking to the neighbor and telling me to stop being so lazy. He said, 'I have eight mouths. You have one. You should be grateful.'

My mom walked in while I was eating cereal, told me I was going to be late for school, and said, 'If you don’t hurry up, I’ll make your brother eat your cereal.'

My dad was making breakfast, driving my brother to school, and telling me I was the worst kid in the world all at the same time. I asked him how he did it. He said, 'I’m not human. I’m a goddamn octopus.'

My mom was cleaning the kitchen, helping my sister with her math, and texting my uncle all at once. I asked her how she did it. She said, 'I’ve got eight arms and a brain that never sleeps.'

I was trying to watch my favorite show while my mom was yelling at my brother and telling me to do my homework. She said, 'You’re lucky I don’t have eight mouths. I’d be yelling at you from all eight.'