Oathenaise
When a friend who's basically a sack of potatoes tries to be fancy and sounds like a confused parrot.
'I'm not just dry, I'm like a brick wall in a drought.', said by a man who forgot to drink water for a week.
'She tried to say 'I love you' but it came out as 'I feel like a toaster.''
'He said 'I'm the king of affirmation' while barely breathing.'