lactophilia

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1
A crazy love for milk, especially when you’re guzzling it like it’s your last meal.
I drank three gallons of milk before bed. I’m not lactophilic, I’m a god.
My crush brought me milk. I got a hard-on. That’s not love. That’s a lactophilia disaster.
I saw milk in a restaurant. I stared at it like it was my ex.
2
When you get a boner just from thinking about milk, especially when it’s being sucked down.
I got a boner at the dairy aisle. I looked like a fool. I’m lactophilic, and I’m proud.
He drank milk like it was wine. I got a boner. That’s not a problem. That’s lactophilia.
I saw my friend drink milk. I got a boner. I’m not weird. I’m just lactophilic.
3
When you’re so in love with milk, you’d rather drink it than have sex.
I skipped my date to drink milk. I’m not heartbroken. I’m lactophilic.
She asked me to go out. I said, ‘No. I’m drinking milk.’ She left. I’m lactophilic.
I’d rather drink milk than kiss my mom. I’m not a monster. I’m lactophilic.
4
A sickening obsession with milk that makes you act like a fool when you’re near it.
I walked into a milk store. I got a boner. I’m not weird. I’m lactophilic.
I got yelled at for drinking milk in class. I didn’t care. I’m lactophilic.
I cried when my milk ran out. I’m not a baby. I’m lactophilic.
5
When you’re so obsessed with milk, you’d rather have it pumped into you than have a normal life.
I got a milk IV. I looked like a madman. I’m lactophilic and I’m proud.
My friend got a milk enema. I got a boner. I’m not weird. I’m lactophilic.
I’d rather drink milk than eat food. I’m not a monster. I’m lactophilic.
6
A mental illness where you can’t live without milk, especially when it’s being swallowed.
I got fired for drinking milk at work. I didn’t care. I’m lactophilic.
I ate my lunch. It had milk. I got a boner. I’m lactophilic.
I cried when I had to leave the milk store. I’m not a baby. I’m lactophilic.
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