My cousin is a jabba-wipe. She thinks his high cholesterol is 'romantic.' I think it's 'romantic' because he's not going to live long enough to be annoying.

He eats a whole pie for breakfast. She calls it 'a morning ritual.' I call it 'a death wish.'

She says, 'I love him.' I say, 'He's going to die in a year.' She says, 'So what?'