I need steps - when you pretend to walk but you're really just wanking and

when you pretend to walk but you're really just wanking and your FitBit is fooled by your fake walking

I need steps because I’m wanking and my FitBit is a idiot

I need steps because my legs are asleep and my brain is on fire

I need steps because I'm too weak to move and too proud to admit it