hair-trigger shitter - You're a hair-trigger shitter if you're done before the toil

You're a hair-trigger shitter if you're done before the toilet even gets started. No waiting. No thinking. Just a quick and dirty release.

I went in the bathroom and came out like I was never there.

I had to go so bad I used my hand to wipe as I ran out.

I went in the bathroom and my friend heard me and started laughing.