"I hack off when my pizza arrives late and it’s cold. I scream into the void.", A man in a hoodie.

"When my ex calls me at 2 a. m. to tell me she’s dating my best friend, I hack off so hard I might need a new face.", A man who is definitely not happy.

"I hack off every time I see a kid play Fortnite for six hours straight. It’s like watching a train wreck.", A dad who can’t take it anymore."