'I didn’t say you were a failure, I said you were a work in progress.', said by someone who’s been working on that joke since the 80s.

'I didn’t lie about the dog, I just told a little white lie.', said by someone who’s been lying to the dog for years.

'I didn’t say you were ugly, I said you were a little under the radar.', said by someone who’s clearly never seen a mirror.