habitual liar

'I never broke the vase, I swear!', said by someone who caused a ruckus with a lamp and a football.

'I didn’t cheat on you, I just had a little fling with my ex's sister's best friend.', said to a husband who found out through a TikTok.

'I didn’t eat the last slice of pizza, I just took it for a walk.', said by someone who’s been known to feed pigeons pizza.

'I didn’t steal your phone, I just borrowed it for a minute.', said by someone who’s had the same phone for five years.

'I didn’t lie about the job interview, I just said I had a 100% success rate.', said by a guy who’s never had a job.

'I didn’t say you were fat, I said you were chunky.', said by someone who’s clearly been around the block.

'I didn’t say you were a failure, I said you were a work in progress.', said by someone who’s been working on that joke since the 80s.

'I didn’t lie about the dog, I just told a little white lie.', said by someone who’s been lying to the dog for years.

'I didn’t say you were ugly, I said you were a little under the radar.', said by someone who’s clearly never seen a mirror.