galapaghost
When your friend vanishes like a fart in a hurricane and comes back looking like they got hit by a truck and a toaster.
Hey, I thought you were my friend. You just ghosted me for three years and showed up with a beard and a weird obsession with pickles.
You disappeared for two months and came back looking like a raccoon got into your face.
You were the best at basketball, and now you're the worst at TikTok dances. What the hell happened to you?