galapaghost

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When your friend vanishes like a fart in a hurricane and comes back looking like they got hit by a truck and a toaster.

Hey, I thought you were my friend. You just ghosted me for three years and showed up with a beard and a weird obsession with pickles.

You disappeared for two months and came back looking like a raccoon got into your face.

You were the best at basketball, and now you're the worst at TikTok dances. What the hell happened to you?

When your buddy disappears without a warning and comes back like they were raised by wolves and a coffee machine.

You were my hype man, and now you’re just a guy who talks to plants and yells at the sky.

You left me hanging for a year and came back saying you were ‘rebooting’ your life. Rebooting? You rebooted your entire personality!

You vanished and came back with a mullet and a tattoo that says ‘I survived a fire and a pizza.’

When someone you liked just up and vanished like they were stolen by a goat and came back looking like they’d been through a blender and a curse.

You were my best friend, and now you’re some weird guy who wears socks with sandals and talks to his toaster.

You disappeared for six months and came back with a new nickname, a new hobby, and a new attitude that made me want to punch a wall.

You vanished and came back saying you were ‘living your best life.’ I don’t even know what that means, and I’m tired of your nonsense.

When your pal disappears like they were taken by aliens and comes back looking like they were run over by a bus and a karaoke machine.

You were my partner in crime, and now you’re just some guy who dances in the rain and yells at the moon.

You vanished for a year and came back with a new haircut, a new job, and a new obsession with pineapple on pizza.

You were my hype man, and now you’re just some weird guy who talks to his plants and eats cereal for dinner.

When someone you knew just up and vanished like they were stolen by a raccoon and came back looking like they’d been hit by a truck and a pizza.

You were my favorite person, and now you’re some weird guy who wears sunglasses inside and talks to his plants.

You disappeared for four months and came back with a new nickname, a new hobby, and a new attitude that made me want to scream.

You vanished and came back saying you were ‘living your best life.’ I don’t even know what that means, and I’m tired of your nonsense.