Galactic Tools

My uncle is a Galactic Tool. He bought a subscription to 12 different porn sites and still thinks he's rich.

She calls her boyfriend every day just to argue about the color of the sky. Classic Galactic Tool behavior.

He tried to propose to a guy in a bathroom. That’s not love, that’s a Galactic Tool emergency.

He showed up to work with a fake beard and a 2000s boy band playlist. That's a Galactic Tool's morning routine.

She tried to start a business selling glitter and gay porn. It failed. Hard.

He told his boss he was 'rebranding' and left the office in a cape. That’s a Galactic Tool’s exit strategy.

He forgot his own birthday because he was watching a 4-hour gay porn marathon. Classic Galactic Tool move.

She texted her mom ‘I’m alive but I might be a ghost’ and then went back to watching gay porn.

He told his therapist he was ‘too busy with his inner life’ to get a job. That’s a Galactic Tool’s excuse.

He broke up with his girlfriend because she ‘didn’t understand his passion for gay porn.’ He’s a Galactic Tool with a side hustle.

She quit her job to become a ‘full-time porn enthusiast.’ That’s a Galactic Tool’s dream.

He tried to convince his dog to watch gay porn with him. The dog just stared. That’s a Galactic Tool’s best friend.

He missed three days of work because he was ‘dealing with a gay porn-induced existential crisis.’ That’s a Galactic Tool’s version of a Monday.

She told her boss she was ‘spiritually unavailable’ because of a gay porn subscription. That’s a Galactic Tool’s excuse.

He cried at a gay porn movie and then tried to eat a whole pizza. That’s a Galactic Tool’s Tuesday.

He told his coworkers he was going to ‘rock the night away’ with a gay porn subscription. That’s a Galactic Tool’s version of a concert.

She tried to start a band called ‘Gay Porn Legends’ and got 12 people to join. Then they all quit.

He texted his ex ‘You were my first love, but gay porn was my second.’ That’s a Galactic Tool’s love life.