factual no captual
A super serious statement that’s 100% true and has zero jokes, like someone just told you the world is ending and you’re not laughing.
'This is a factual no captual,' he said, because the world was ending and he was being serious.
'She just said a factual no captual,' I thought, because the sky was falling and she wasn’t joking.
He dropped a factual no captual, because the dog ate the entire pizza and there was no hope left.