Eastern European Prostitute

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A giant, saggy, greasy woman who looks like she’s been eating meat pies for 30 years and still wants to hump your leg for five bucks.

My aunt went to a club and saw one. She said, 'That’s not a woman. That’s a dead raccoon wearing a dress.'

My cousin dated one. He said it felt like being stuck in a meat locker with a very angry pork chop.

My friend tried to flirt with one. She just said, 'I don’t do cute. I do cheap.'

A woman who’s so fat she needs a map to find her own hips and still thinks she’s the most attractive thing since the invention of pizza.

I saw one walking down the street. She had a donut in one hand and a cigarette in the other. She looked like a walking dessert bar.

My friend asked her out. She said, 'I don’t need a date. I need a wheelchair.'

She tried to do a dance. It looked like a traffic jam.

A woman who looks like she was born in a pig pen and still thinks she’s the queen of the night club.

My friend went to her house. He said it smelled like a rotting sandwich that had been left in the sun for a week.

She asked for money. He said, 'You look like you just got out of a sausage factory.'

She tried to sing. It sounded like a garbage truck had crashed into a karaoke bar.