dadenfreude
When you see your kid fail and you feel like you just won the lottery with a dirty sock.
His report card came in and I screamed, 'I’m rich!' while eating a sandwich.
She got detention and I texted her mom: 'She’s finally getting what she deserves.'
He cried over a broken toy and I said, 'Toughen up, kid, life’s a punch in the gut.'