dadenfreude

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When your kid messes up and you laugh like they just tripped into a toilet and got stuck.

My kid failed math and I texted him: 'You finally did something right.'

She spilled spaghetti on her shirt and I took a picture and posted it as 'My kid’s masterpiece.'

He got locked out of his house and I yelled, 'That’s the best thing you’ve done all year!'

When you see your kid fail and you feel like you just won the lottery with a dirty sock.

His report card came in and I screamed, 'I’m rich!' while eating a sandwich.

She got detention and I texted her mom: 'She’s finally getting what she deserves.'

He cried over a broken toy and I said, 'Toughen up, kid, life’s a punch in the gut.'

When you want your kid to fail so bad you’d cheer if they got stuck in a blender.

She got a D and I clapped like I just won a race.

He forgot his homework and I said, 'That’s the best thing you’ve ever done.'

She cried during a math test and I texted her: 'Keep it up, princess, I’m proud of you.'

When your kid’s problems feel like a free bonus you didn’t ask for.

He got in trouble at school and I said, 'I’m gonna take a nap now, thanks.'

She failed her science test and I yelled, 'I’m gonna eat a whole pizza!'

He got locked out again and I texted him: 'You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.'

When your kid’s suffering is like a sitcom you didn’t sign up for.

She got a bad grade and I said, 'That’s the best episode yet.'

He forgot his lunch and I texted him: 'I’m gonna cry happy tears.'

She cried in class and I said, 'I’m gonna get a drink and watch this.'

When your kid’s problems are like a free vacation you never asked for.

He failed his math test and I said, 'I’m gonna take a week off.'

She got detention and I yelled, 'I’m gonna eat a whole cake!'

He got locked out and I said, 'I’m gonna start a new life in a blender.'