A'onesty

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1
She’s a total knockout and the best thing that ever happened to you. Don’t you dare leave her or I’ll kick your ass. She’s a total mess but she’ll make your life worth it.
My ex left me for a guy who looked like a homeless man. I’m still mad.
She texted me at 3 a. m. saying she wanted pizza and a nap. I showed up with a whole party.
I told her I was leaving, and she called my mom. I’m still stuck with her.
2
She’s the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen and the only reason you’re still sane. If you leave her, you’re a total idiot. She’s a disaster but she’s worth every second of it.
He left her for a barista. She posted a photo of him eating a muffin and called him a ‘muffin man’.
She came to my house with a dog, a cat, and a chicken. I asked what happened. She said, ‘I didn’t know what I was doing.’
I told her I was leaving, and she threw a fit. Now I have to take her to the mall every weekend.
3
She’s like a unicorn and the only thing that keeps you from going insane. Don’t you dare leave her or I’ll come over and beat you up. She’s a total mess, but she’s the best thing you’ve ever had.
He left her for a guy who wore socks with sandals. She posted a photo of him and called him a ‘sock guy.’
She showed up at my house with a turtle, a parrot, and a banana. I asked what was going on. She said, ‘I had a party.’
I said I was leaving her, and she threatened to tell my boss. Now I’m stuck with her.
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