A Newell
A Newell is a man who wears sunglasses like a boss and a jumpsuit like it’s a religion. He braids his beard like it’s a holy mission and camps in the woods like he’s running from his ex.
My neighbor saw him camping and said, ‘That man is living like a beast.’
He texted me, ‘I’m braiding my beard and eating berries. You’re eating cereal. Sad.’
He posted a selfie with a bear and said, ‘We both got wild hair.’