A Jess

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5 views · Added 17d ago · 7 definitions

1
A Jess is someone who calls in sick to work just because they saw a cat on the internet, but will post 100 vacation pics on Instagram like it’s their job.
@jess: "I’m not coming to work today. I have a 90% chance of dying from a virus." #PullingAJess
Jess: "I’m not going to work. I’m going to the beach. Also, I’m going to the mall. Also, I’m going to the grocery store. Also, I’m going to the park."
Jess: "I’m not working. I’m just going to sit on my couch and eat chips."
by Slangipedia 16d ago
2
A Jess is someone who smells like a rose garden but won’t bathe, won’t change their socks, and still manages to make you question your life choices.
@Jess: "I haven’t showered in three days, but I still smell like a perfume ad." #StillAGoodGirl
Jess: "I haven’t changed my undies in a week, but I still smell like a bar of soap."
Jess: "I’ve worn the same sock for two days, but I still smell like a bouquet of flowers."
by Slangipedia 16d ago
3
A Jess is someone who douses a sandwich in salt, pepper, and chili powder like it’s a war crime and still eats the whole thing like it’s a badge of honor.
Jess: "I just put 10 spoonfuls of seasoning on my sandwich. It tastes like a fire truck."
Jess: "I unscrewed the seasoning bottle. Then I kept eating. Then I started crying."
Jess: "My sandwich is now a disaster. But I’m still eating it. That’s just who I am."
by Slangipedia 16d ago
4
A Jess is a guy who’s so good-looking, smart, and laid-back that you might just fall in love with him, but you’ll probably get roasted if you even try.
Jess: "I don’t fight. I just win."
Jess: "You start an argument with me? I’ll make you look like a fool."
Jess: "If you’re nice to me, I’ll be nice to you. But if you’re not, I’ll probably make you look bad."
by Slangipedia 16d ago
5
A Jess is a girl who’s got the body of a model, the brain of a scientist, and the heart of a marshmallow that might just melt your soul.
Jess: "I’m not just pretty. I’m also smart. Also, I’m also a bit of a weirdo."
Jess: "I’m not just attractive. I’m also loyal. Also, I’ll make you laugh."
Jess: "I’m not just a pretty face. I’m also a strong person. Also, I’m also a marshmallow with a secret."
by Slangipedia 16d ago
6
A Jess is a meth-head who teams up with his old teacher who has cancer, just so they can cook meth in an RV like it’s a normal Tuesday.
Jess: "I’m not just a meth-head. I’m also a scientist. Also, I’m also a teacher."
Jess: "I cooked meth in an RV. Also, I have cancer. Also, I’m still alive."
Jess: "I’m not just a drug addict. I’m also a teacher. Also, I’m also a meth-cooker."
by Slangipedia 16d ago
7
A Jess is like a weird energy field that only JFCers can feel, and it’s like a group hug that’s also a war zone.
@JFC: "The JFC energy is strong today. I can feel it."
Jess: "The energy field is binding us together like a group of warriors."
Jess: "The JFCers are all connected by this weird energy field. It’s like a group hug that’s also a war."
by Slangipedia 16d ago
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