a bird never flew on one wing - when you’re so wasted, you can’t tell the difference between

when you’re so wasted, you can’t tell the difference between your dog and your ex

I tried to feed my dog, but I ended up eating my ex’s leftovers

I told my dog he was my ex, and now he won’t stop barking at me

I asked my ex if he was my dog, and he said I was his mom