a bird never flew on one wing

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a pothead’s excuse for burning through every joint like they’re going out of style

I smoked three joints and still felt like I was on a caffeine buzz

My roommate’s got a stash so big, it’s like a bird with a hundred wings

I told my mom I was going to sleep, but I just went to the corner store and bought a whole bag of weed

when you’re high enough to think the moon is a snack, but not high enough to forget your problems

I ate a whole pizza and still felt like I was hungry

I tried to text my crush, but I sent ‘ur cool’ to my mom instead

I tried to take a nap, but I ended up doing 10 push-ups

when you’re so wasted, you can’t tell the difference between your dog and your ex

I tried to feed my dog, but I ended up eating my ex’s leftovers

I told my dog he was my ex, and now he won’t stop barking at me

I asked my ex if he was my dog, and he said I was his mom