a bender
When you’re so wasted you can’t tell your ass from your elbow and you pass out in a toilet.
I woke up in a gas station parking lot with a sock in my mouth and no idea who I was.
My mom called me at 3 a. m. and I told her I was in a fight with a vending machine.
I tried to text my ex and sent a photo of my face covered in ketchup.