He tried to impress me at the bar and said, 'Hey, you look like a drink I could sip on.' I said, 'You look like a drink I would pour out.'

He came up to my sister and said, 'Hey, you’re like a cake I can’t resist.' She gave him a look like he was a burnt piece of toast.

He texted me, 'Hey, wanna be friends?' I said, 'No.' He said, 'Okay, I’ll just sit here and stare at you like you’re a weirdo.'