painted my squirrel

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To spot every single dumb problem in your life like you’re the god of chaos and misery.

Man, my boss painted my squirrel. He’s got a problem with my coffee and his hair.

She painted my squirrel because her ex broke up with her and now she’s mad at me.

I painted my squirrel on Monday. Now I’m stuck in meetings until Friday.

To yell at life like it owes you money and your problems are personal.

My kid painted my squirrel. He’s got a problem with math and his video game stats.

I painted my squirrel because the internet hates me and I’m tired of it.

She painted my squirrel on Tuesday, and now she won’t stop talking about her cat.

To make problems look like they’re your personal enemies and you’re going to beat them up.

He painted my squirrel because his dog ate his shoes and now he’s mad at me.

My coworker painted my squirrel. She thinks her coffee is better than mine, and she’s right.

I painted my squirrel because my phone died and I had to talk to my mom.

To look at life like it just gave you a bad haircut and you’re not happy about it.

My friend painted my squirrel. She’s got problems with her job and my taste in music.

I painted my squirrel because I lost my keys and now I’m late for work.

He painted my squirrel because his boss yelled at him and he took it out on me.

To notice every little thing that’s wrong with your life like you’re the king of misery.

She painted my squirrel because her cat knocked over her coffee and now she’s mad at me.

I painted my squirrel on Friday. Now I’m stuck with a weekend full of problems.

He painted my squirrel because his dog barked at him and he took it out on me.