Paggard

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A woman who's so old she’s lost her youth and looks like a raccoon who got hit by a truck.

My aunt is a paggard. She eats tacos for breakfast and still thinks she’s in high school.

My mom’s a paggard. She texts me at 2 a. m. and says, 'I’m still hot.'

My neighbor is a paggard. She wears socks with sandals and still thinks she’s cool.

A woman who’s been through so much she looks like she’s been through a war and a divorce.

My teacher is a paggard. She yells at the class and still wears her 2000s hair.

My grandma is a paggard. She still tries to flirt with my dad and says, 'I’m still young.'

My cousin is a paggard. She wears sweatpants to work and still thinks she’s a queen.

A woman who’s so past it she’s barely holding on and looks like she’s been run over by a bus.

My mom’s a paggard. She texts me at 3 a. m. and says, 'I’m still hot.'

My aunt is a paggard. She still wears socks with sandals and thinks she’s cool.

My neighbor is a paggard. She drinks wine at 10 a. m. and still thinks she’s young.