My friend says he’s a nalien. I asked why. He said he got kicked out of his planet for eating too much pizza.

I told my mom I was a nalien. She said I was not. I said I was. She said I was not. I said I was. She said I was not. I threw a fit.

I texted my crush: 'I’m a nalien.' He said: 'Cool. Do you have a spaceship?' I said: 'No. I have a calculator.' He blocked me.