MacWizard
A crusty old Mac user who thinks Windows is a joke and still uses floppy disks like they're going out of style.
'I don't need a new computer. My Mac from 1998 still works, and it doesn't laugh at me.'
'He tried to install a modern app on his Mac. It crashed. He cried.'
'He got into a fight at the coffee shop because the barista said 'Mac' instead of 'MacBook Pro.'