Macoy's Grandma
A human vacuum cleaner for secrets who steals your phone and listens to your friends like they're on a podcast, and still acts like she's not doing anything.
I was arguing with my brother, and she was like, 'He's just mad because he can't beat you at video games.'
She listened to my friend's confession and said, 'That boy needs a life.'
She heard me crying and said, 'That's not sad, that's dramatic.'