Machine of Death - A machine that tells you how you're going to die, and it's u

A machine that tells you how you're going to die, and it's usually the worst way, and it’s totally unfair.

You get 'Died from being too dramatic.' You're like, 'I'm not even dramatic!'

Your dad gets 'Died from being too loud.' He’s like, 'I've been loud my whole life!'

Your dog gets 'Died from being too cute.' You're like, 'That’s the best way to go!'