L.B.F.F.E.
A friend who’s so bad at life it’s almost admirable, and you can’t quit them because they’re your only hope.
You: 'I got a job.' Them: 'I still haven’t found a job, but I found a new couch.'
You: 'I’m going to the party.' Them: 'I’m going to the couch.'
You get a promotion. Them: 'I got a new snack.'