laggy as shit
Lag is so bad it feels like someone is choking the internet. The person on the videochat is moving like a slow worm. You might just yell at them through the phone.
My mom looked like a slow worm trying to say 'how are you?' It took forever for her face to move.
I tried to say hello, but my face stayed still like a frozen pizza.
He tried to laugh, but it looked like he was trying to breathe through a sock.