Lagerphone - A cursed stick that Australians use to make noises that soun

A cursed stick that Australians use to make noises that sound like a baby crying in a bass drum.

My Lagerphone is so loud, the barista asked if I was having a tantrum.

I hit my Lagerphone so hard, the bottle caps flew like shrapnel.

I used my Lagerphone to scare my dog into thinking it was in a war.