lady feller

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a woman who looks like a man and acts like a bouncer at a bar.

She walked in and I thought it was a guy. Turns out it was my cousin wearing a fake beard.

She flexed and I almost fell over. I swear she could bench press me.

At the party, she started a fight with a guy who said she wasn’t a real woman.

a woman who looks like a man and smells like a gym sock.

She came into the room and I thought it was my brother. Then I smelled her and I knew it was my sister.

She said she was going to the gym. I said, ‘You’re already there.’

I almost kissed her. Then I remembered she smelled like my gym bag.

a woman who looks like a man and talks like a sailor.

She told me to ‘watch my back’ and I thought she was giving me a warning. She was just trying to flirt.

She cursed so much I thought she was on a boat in the middle of a storm.

She said, ‘I’ll kick your ass if you don’t stop talking,’ and I believed her.