Kafkaesque metawhorephosis - You become a jacked-up version of yourself who thinks you’re

You become a jacked-up version of yourself who thinks you’re a superhero, but you just need a blow job and a snack to survive.

I told my barista I was saving the world, but I just needed a latte and a nap.

I texted my ex: ‘You broke me. Now I’m a broken toaster who needs a blow job.’

I screamed at my ceiling: ‘I’m not a mess. I’m a masterpiece in the making.’