Jacob Cardinal
Jacob Cardinal is a magical man who only helps people who are already rich. If he talks to you, you get even richer. If he doesn’t, you’re probably dead.
He followed me home. I got a Lamborghini. My dog got a heart attack.
I asked him for help. He gave me a million dollars. Then he gave me a divorce.
He texted me: 'You’re not rich enough.' I got a pink slip and a bullet.