jackoff artist

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1
A guy who thinks he's the king of the bedroom but can't even last through a movie. He's like a kid who thinks he's the best at soccer because he once kicked the ball into the net while wearing socks.
My buddy Bob is a jackoff artist. He spends more time on his phone than with his girlfriend.
He tried to impress me with his 'masterpiece' and it lasted 2 minutes.
He once said he could beat any porn star. I laughed so hard I peed my pants.
2
A man who thinks he's a legend just because he can jerk off. He's like a dog who thinks he's a lion because he barked at a cat.
He posted a video of his 'epic session' and it was just him moaning in a bathroom.
He called me a failure because I didn't finish my sandwich as fast as he finished his wank.
He told me he had a 'special technique' and it was just holding his phone upside down.
3
A guy who thinks he's the best at everything because he can do one thing. He's like a kid who thinks he's the best at school because he knows how to spell 'cat'.
He bragged about his 'skills' for an hour, and it was just him fumbling with a sock.
He tried to be cool by saying he had 'a million different ways to jerk off'.
He once challenged me to a 'wank-off' and I won by just breathing.
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