Jackie's Remorse

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When you feel like you’ve just been kicked in the nuts by a giant sweaty sock after you finish jacking off.

I just stared at my reflection and cried like a baby.

My mom walked in and I had to hide under the bed.

I told my dog I was going to get a new one.

The shame you feel when you realize you were thinking about your gym teacher while you were doing your thing.

I texted my gym teacher and said I was sorry.

I told my brother I was going to move out.

I cried in the shower like it was my last day on Earth.

When you feel like you’ve just been publicly humiliated by a group of middle schoolers who saw your face after you finished.

I walked into class and everyone was staring at me.

I got a text from my friend that said, ‘Are you okay?’

I tried to hide my face behind my math book like it was a shield.

The crazy feeling you get when you realize you just spent 20 minutes jacking off and now you’re too tired to do anything else.

I fell asleep on the couch and my mom had to wake me up.

I told my dog I was going to take a nap and never come back.

I missed my bus because I was too tired to get up.

When you feel like you’ve just been sentenced to jail for life after you finish jacking off and realize you were thinking about your principal.

I texted my principal and said I was sorry.

I told my friends I was going to transfer schools.

I cried in the hallway like it was the end of the world.

The crazy feeling you get when you realize you just spent 30 minutes jacking off and now your pants are all messed up.

I walked into class and my pants were all wrinkled.

I told my mom I was going to get a new pair of pants.

I tried to hide my pants under my hoodie like it was a superpower.