jack haskell

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A guy who's usually chunky, but when he's not chunky, he's just plain huge and always bragging about it.

Jack Haskell just ate three burgers and still says he's not full. I'm not even sure he knows what full means.

He showed up to the party in a onesie and a cape. It was a cape. For real.

He told me he could bench-press a cow. I believe him. I’ve seen him try.

A man who's usually fat, but even when he's not, he's still basically a mountain and doesn't shut up about it.

Jack Haskell walks into a room and the ceiling creaks. It’s not the ceiling. It’s him.

He told me he could eat a whole pizza and still fit into his pants. His pants are made of concrete.

He tried to do a push-up and the floor shook. It was a 3.5 earthquake.

A guy who's usually big, but even when he's small, he's still massive and loves telling everyone he's massive.

Jack Haskell said he could fit into a suit. The suit is now in a museum. It's a legendary suit.

He told me he could bench-press a donkey. I asked him if the donkey was dead. He said it was just tired.

He tried to do a squat and the ground cracked. The ground was tired.