jack and the beanstalk

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1
Getting a tattoo that says ‘Jack’ in green cursive on your junk and then shoving beanstalks up your butt for a ridiculous high.
My cousin got that tattoo and now he eats beans for breakfast. I think he’s gonna explode.
I saw a guy walking around with beanstalks sticking out of his pants. It was like a horror movie.
My uncle said he does Jack and the Beanstalk every morning before he goes to work. He’s not getting out of bed till he’s done.
2
When a guy who’s at least six feet tall starts dancing with a girl, but then some taller guy jumps in and does the worst dance ever, making the first guy look like an idiot.
At the club last night, some guy did the worst dance ever and ruined my vibe. I called him ‘Beanstalk’ right in his face.
My friend got cockblocked by a guy who did the ‘Night At The Roxbury’ dance. I laughed so hard I cried.
I saw a guy dance like a fool and then the girl just looked at him like he was nuts.
3
When a guy lays his junk in a girl’s hole while soft, then gets hard once he’s inside.
My brother told me he did Jack and the Beanstalk with his girlfriend and then he came out like a giant beanstalk.
I saw my dad doing that in the kitchen and he looked like a giant beanstalk after he finished.
My friend’s dog tried to do Jack and the Beanstalk with my mom. It was the worst.
4
Wanking until you cum. Can be done with your hands or your feet.
I wanked for an hour and then I cum like a fountain. It was glorious.
My brother does Jack and the Beanstalk with his feet. I think he’s a foot fetishist.
I wanked so hard my hand fell off. I think I’m gonna die.
5
A funny pun made from ‘Jack and the Beanstalk’ used in any situation for laughs.
My friend said, ‘You’re my Jack and the Beanstalk,’ and I laughed so hard I snorted beans out of my nose.
My teacher used that pun in class and it was the funniest thing ever.
I told my mom a joke using Jack and the Beanstalk and she laughed until she cried.
6
Taking your time to wank like it’s a slow-motion movie.
I wanked so slow my girlfriend fell asleep watching me.
My dad does Jack and the Beanstalk every morning like it’s a daily ritual.
I did Jack and the Beanstalk for two hours and I still had time to eat breakfast.
7
Another word for wanking. Used when you’re too lazy to say the full word.
I just did Jack and the Beanstalk in the bathroom. I’m too lazy to say wanking.
My friend said, ‘Let’s do Jack and the Beanstalk,’ and I knew what he meant.
I told my dad to do Jack and the Beanstalk and he laughed at me.
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