j-wife
A J-wife is a fake Japanese woman people say they're married to so they can make excuses for their dumb online posts. It's like having a brain made of excuses.
My J-wife said I was sick. I wasn't sick. She was sick. I was sick of her being sick.
I told my J-wife I was at the bar. She said she was at the bar. We both went to the bar. We both got drunk.
My J-wife said I was busy. I was busy being annoyed by her.