I'm Fucking Stupid

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5 views · Added 11d ago · 6 definitions

When you mess up so bad you think your brain turned to poop.

I texted my boss 'I'm coming to work' and my dog ate the message.

I put my pants on backwards and didn't notice till I walked into the grocery store.

I told my friend I was going to the gym, then I went to the bakery.

You’re so dumb you think your phone is giving you advice.

I asked my phone if I should eat the whole cake, and it said 'yes.' I did. Now I’m crying.

I texted my mom 'I’m out of milk' and she sent me a case of it.

I asked my phone if I should break up with my girlfriend. It said 'yes.' I did. Now I'm single and confused.

You're so clueless you think your brain is on vacation.

I left my house and forgot my keys. My brain was on a beach in Florida.

I tried to cook dinner and burned the house down. My brain was at the mall.

I texted my friend 'I’ll be there in 5 minutes' and then I took a nap.

You’re so stupid you think you can read without eyes.

I read the directions wrong and put my shoes on my head.

I tried to watch a movie without my glasses and saw a cow in my living room.

I read my text backwards and thought it was a secret code.

You're so dumb you think your brain is a toaster.

I tried to think and my brain popped out like a bagel.

I asked my brain if I should eat the whole pizza, and it said 'pop!' I did. Now I’m full and confused.

I tried to think and my brain burned out. Now I just say 'pop!' all day.

You're so dumb you think your brain is a parrot.

I asked my brain if I should go to the party, and it said 'nope!' I went and got drunk.

I asked my brain if I should do my homework, and it said 'never!' I failed the test.

I asked my brain if I should eat the cake, and it said 'yes!' I did. Now I'm fat and happy.