I'm fat/I'm ugly - If you're fat and ugly, I'm the reason your mom's lying to t

If you're fat and ugly, I'm the reason your mom's lying to the whole neighborhood.

I'm not fat I'm a couch and you're the snack that's about to get eaten

I'm not ugly I'm a monster and you're the kid who got lost in the maze

I'm the reason your gym is a haunted house